D141

Working On Mysteries W/O Any Clues, Day 141, Night Moves in The Year of Fun.

1. Start Pre-Prod on Lifetime Movie,
‘One Year Later:
A Murder in Florida and
The Powerball Loser.’

2. The Man Who Can Fully Compartmentalize Every Aspect of His Life Shall Rule The World.—OCD Confucius.

3. #63 Weird Eddie.
“Ok, Pull Your Pants Down.”
Long Pause As Eddie Scans Up And Down, Pokes and Prods With His Finger.
“Hmmm, Well, Impressive, You’ll Be Lucky in Love. Long Legs, Big Boobs, Blonde. Next…”
Another Boy Crowds Into The Stall, Drops Corduroy.
“Oh No. Oh Boy. All Signs Point To Hatchetface Betty, So Sorry. She’s The Only One Who’ll Love You. And You’ll Be Lucky To Have Her.”

#63 Weird Eddie, The Boy Who Predicts Your Love Life By Looking At Your Penis, From ‘The Big Book of Childhood Horrors.’

D140

Because Six Billion People Can’t All Be Famous, Day 140, One Yen of Fun.

1. Market ‘Who Will You Be After The Personality-Altering Head Injury?’ Bracelet. (WWYBATP-AHI?)

2. Decode Subtext Behind Every Tweet/Post/Text Read Today.
(Clue: Please Love Me.)

3. The Major Movers in Today’s Misery Index. (5.37)
–Bowl of Delicious Soup, Up .2
–Neuropathy, Down 1.4
–Slight Buzzy Feeling, Even
–No Shower, Down .7
–Realization Still Alive And Slogging Away, Up 2.1

Markets Are Still Reeling At News of ‘Just Keep On Keepin’ On’ By Analysts. Some Sell-Off, Narcotics Expected Later Today.

D139

Polishing The Mirrors on Our Fanciest Shoes, Day 139 in The Year of Ugh.

1. Build Fortress of Solitude Out of Old Powerball Tickets.

2. Write Upbeat Soundtrack to The Day Using Old Kazoo.

3. This Year’s Upfronts:
Baby-ized Versions of Your Favorite Shows Dominate Fall Sked.

D138

Still Using Coax Cabling, Day 138 in The Year of Fun.

1. Barking Mad Dogs, Comfort Dogs for The Barking Mad.

2. Call Off Search Party for The Meaning of Life.

3. Rhymes With Seven:
Good Boys Go To…
Heaven.
All Good Cretins Go To…
Monkeys.

D137

Where The Hardee’s Playground IS Worlds of Fun in This Day 137…

1. Repeat After Me:
I Am The Sanest Person I Know.

2. Buy Bill Macy Nude for $1.92.

3. You Know, I Like Them Apples Fine, Very Much Indeed, Thank You For Asking.

Never Claim Conspiracy When Incompetence Will Do, Day 136 in The Who of Whaaaat?

Never Claim Conspiracy When Incompetence Will Do, Day 136 in The Who of Whaaaat?

1. Swear Like Yosemite Sam Day.

2. Spilling Lipids–My Mid-90′s Diabetic Ska Band.

3. What’s Crushing Me Today:
Candy.
Appeasing The Crazy.
Collapsed Lung.
Eyeliner.
Oranges.
1980′s Hip Hop.
Velvet.
Rush.

48 Bottles of Half-Empty Conditioner, Not One Damn Shampoo Bottle.* Day 135 in The Ears of Sponge.

48 Bottles of Half-Empty Conditioner, Not One Damn Shampoo Bottle.* Day 135 in The Ears of Sponge.

1. If There’s No Spring, There’s No Spring Cleaning.–Midwestern Origin of the Phrase ‘Hot Mess.’

2. Wanderhouzen–German Phrase Meaning ‘To Move To Avoid Cleaning.’

3. Trim Beard To Show More Cleavage.

‘By The Power of Greyskull!’ Is Today’s Phrase That Annoys.

*Non-Ironic.